Well I can't believe how quickly this week has gone! I started the week with a full day of clown. I was quite nervous as I have done some clown workshops before and it can be quite an upsetting art to practice if you are a bit over sensitive (like me). It turned out to be a great day of fun group games and learning about the importance of breathing. I learnt that when you don't breathe properly, the audience don't and the tension prohibits laughter. It is actually almost impossible to laugh with no air in your lungs. Going on stage by myself and just breathing was pretty nerve racking though! Tension is certainly something I have to work on. Highlights of the day for me included playing a very fun version of grandma's footsteps, in which to reach grandma we had to step on to and over a chair and shout insults at her when we were on it. "Wrinkly ball bag" got a few laughs! And watching everyone play the bafflement game in pairs was lovely. It was great to really laugh with the group and I feel we are starting to become a wee circus family.

In Burlesque news, I had a meeting about a big prop for a new acrobatic style act for Natalia. Exciting times! The wheels are in motion for my "crap" Martini glass. I literally cannot wait to start work on this one, but I'm going to have to be much stronger so I'm trying to train as much as I can whilst on the course which lead to....

A morning of of manipulation, an afternoon of acro and an acro evening class. Getting home at 11pm then a morning of attempted tight wire and unicycle, another afternoon of acro and some rehearsal of my silks act. After that all I can say is....(quietly, too much movement likely to pull a muscle if there were any left unpulled!) ooooowwww!

Below is me stuck in the corner on the unicycle. I spent a lot of time in that corner. I also fell on my bum and hit my shins with the peddles. We don't love each other yet.

So I was super achey mid week and I am not the super springy, bouncy full of energy type but after a quiet but stern word with myself I convinced myself to do ten minutes of juggling practice. The thing is, constantly failing at something becomes quite addictive, oh I dropped the ball, oh I'll try again, oh I dropped the ball, I'll try again, "Fuck you ball!" (you get the picture). Sometimes this constant failing will reduce me to a sulky grump bum, but quite often it will enrage me enough to just keep doing it, over, and over, and over. So 10 minutes turned into 45 and for a split second I felt like my body had actually got a pattern on the go and I actually felt a wave of euphoria and exclaimed "haha!" out loud to the no-one else that was in the room. Yes you heard me right, euphoria, from throwing and catching two balls for a few seconds. Ridiculous. This is circus my friends. This is the addiction, little victories. There are also frustrating, tear inducing times, but these only make the little victories even better. So now I'm a two baller. Next week, we try three....

I decided to set some goals I wanted to achieve at the end of the course

1.A good full front split on one side
2. Juggling three balls for at least a few minutes
3. flipping a manipulation hat onto my head (not just by fluke!)
4. Hold a handstand for ten seconds
5. Ride a unicycle a bit (this one seems the most impossible, sitting on one you think oh I'm going to fall backwards, no forwards, argh I can also go sideways! Getting this one might just make me feel invincible)

So this has been a week of setting goals and planning for the future. If you look at something and think, there is no way I can ever do that, you never know. Practice and perseverance are the only way there, but your body is a clever thing and it will learn patterns. You just have to trust in repetition! Balls always terrified me at school (oh the puns, we've already been through many "I'm getting my balls out", ") and my hands still are trying to get used to the idea of catching instead of letting the ball fall limply off my fingers. So the idea of one day juggling seemed impossible, but now, now I've got my two balls on the move I can conquer the world! (no not really but yes, I'm pleased with my tiny amount of progress, I hope I haven't spoken to soon and hit a ball wall...)

Please note: Proper jugglers practice much, much, much more than me. Please only take up juggling if you have the time to love your balls. Balls have feelings too.

Thursday was a full day of aerial and I got a real buzz showing my new friends moves on the silks. Starting to think I might really enjoy teaching. 

Friday was a morning of dance followed by a silks rehearsal and a drive down to Northampton for Be Barb Burlesque's "Groovy Kind of Love" at the Picturedrome. It was a sold out show with a most fantastic line up. I was lucky enough to be able to watch quite a lot of the acts and had a great time performing. 

Now it's back to song practice (ready for The Martini Lounge on Saturday in Liverpool, see you there?) spraying pigeon wings gold, making a three headed jumper (why the hell not?) and maybe.....some more juggling practice, "Fuck you ball!" 

Well, it has been a very long time since I have blogged. I have been rubbish, but I'm sure anyone reading this can familiarise with the intention to get things done never quite matching up to actually doing things. So.....I've run away to the circus. 

Quite literally. I decided some time ago that working a full time job and trying to juggle my creative pursuits was just not working. Something had to be done, so I set myself the goal of saving up for a three month circus course in Sheffield. I spent nine months waiting for the audition to come round and when I got in I knew my life would become very different indeed.

So that was it, I said goodbye to my lovely secure full time job in vintage clothing, packed many bags and drove my little tin can Mini to Sheffield last Sunday. I have just completed my first week on the course and I've had a great time so far. So the fun stuff first.....I have played, jumped, stretched, rolled around on the floor, attempted to juggle, relay raced as all kinds of animals, laughed, danced, been on a tight wire, got funky on stilts, stuck my tongue out and gone bleeeuuuurrrr, made new friends, balanced, cartwheeled, forward rolled, backward rolled, and squealed on a trapeze. Phew! And I was absolutely knackered. 

Above is a picture of me playing around at lunchtime. Hopefully I'll be able to straighten my body out here and lift off that left arm by the end of the course but yeah, lunchtime. Because this is a place where people can't finish their lunch fast enough so they can continue to practice and learn new circus skills. Awesome. 

This is my training space for the next eleven weeks. It used to be a church and has all sorts of fantastical aerial equipment stored on the ceiling. 

The only negatives from my experience so far are the very painful muscles I had on Friday. I do have a tendency to push myself and damage my muscles so despite carefully warming down after avery session and stretching beforehand, I still managed to make a mess of myself. Sunday evening now and I'm almost feeling back to normal. Also, I was exhausted. I still get up around the same time as I did for my day job as I have an hour to drive and like to get in early. I had all sorts of ideas about getting so much done in the evenings but the reality is I might stay later to train or I can't motivate myself. 

Self motivation is really important with circus. I'd always thought of myself as quite self motivated, until I met circus people. The title of our end of course show is to be "Obsession", which is very apt for such a course. The things I have no experience in already, like juggling, simply cannot be learnt in one lesson a week for three months. We must practice every day. So far I've kept this up, even if just for ten minutes. I am still on one ball. We were taught if you keep failing at one stage of juggling, go back to the previous stage, until it is perfect. So I'm still on stage one! Homework for juggling is to not only practice but find a clip of someone doing some manipulation that really inspires you. As soon as I was set this task I knew immediately who I would choose. The one and only Mat Ricardo! The only trouble will be choosing which of Mat's fantastic routines to show the class, here is one for starters.

I absolutely love how slick this routine is but I am under no illusion that it is something that anyone can learn. I've always been a bit afraid of balls (ooh er!). At school I would always choose to be some fielder in a place where the ball was least likely to end up. My left hand especially seems to reject the idea of catching. I just let the ball hit my hand and roll sadly to the floor. 

So, things I cannot do at all this week. Juggling. Walking a tight rope. Riding a Unicycle. Hopefully I will see some progress in the coming weeks!

Another thing I've had to get used to is being away from my home and my husband. I'm a proper home bird and always struggle to be away for any length of time. It's been an emotional few weeks, leaving a job I've been in for six years, leaving home knowing I will hardly see my husband for three months. The change and leaving behind has probably been the hardest part of my decision but I realised I was heading towards 30 and not really happy that I wasn't making a living as a self employed creative person. It is NEVER too late to change what you are doing with your life, no matter what age you are or what you are doing. I must admit though the below clip from Wayne's World has been going round and round in my head for the past few weeks!

Well that's it for this week. Tomorrow I launch into a day of clown (scary! But fun) and then I'm off to meet a man to discuss a potential big prop.....stay tuned folks, what will next week bring?! Exciting times my friends.